Summer 2010: Ellie's first anniversary of being home. Start thinking about whether/when to adopt a sibling. Quiz friends on sibling rivalry, appropriate distance in age, etc. Work gets hectic - not a good time to think about taking leave.
Winter 2010-2011: Start researching Ethiopia programs at other agencies. Gladney closed its list to singles while I was waiting for Ellie, and only two agencies have both good reputations and are still accepting singles. Governmental changes have made adoptions in Ethiopia more complicated - could take years and the outlook is very uncertain, at best, especially for a single mom. Very anxious about getting comfortable with a new agency in the midst of an already difficult time. Think about domestic adoption of a newborn. Babies are a little scary.
Spring 2011: Babies are still scary. People regale me with tales of sleepless months and time off for endless colds, ear infections, etc. Stories do not make me feel better. Ellie finishes preschool - thought of only one day care bill makes babies slightly less scary.
Late Spring 2011: Call local agency I applied with when things got hung up with Ellie's
adoption - are they still accepting single applicants? To my great surprise, they informed me that they had never taken me off the wait list, but had only changed my status to "inactive." I was number 2 on the list. If ever there was a neon arrow from the universe saying "Hey dumbass, over here!" I'd say that was it.
Summer 2011: Update home study, submit updated application and update birth mother book to include Ellie. Will be shown to birth mothers but am told that because I'm single, I will likely get a "hospital call" - a situation when the birth mother doesn't want to participate in the family selection and the agency gets to choose. Warned that it could take a while.
October 2011: I get the call - a birthmother has selected me! Over couples! My ego is on cloud 9. Begin panicked prep for baby to come home now that this seems like it will really happen. Birthmother goes into labor early - calls for me to come to Houston to be there for the birth, but it happens while I'm barreling down I-45. Share the good news with friends and family. Spend two days in the hospital room and NICU with her and the baby, who is having breathing problems. By end of second day baby is doing fine, but birthmother changes her mind. Barrel down I-45 the other direction. Cry the entire trip. Do not want to think about adoption for a while. Friends and family rock my face off with their kindness.
November 2011: Caseworker in Houston calls - she was going to mail my book back to the office, but has a new birth family coming in that week - do I want to be included in the showing? They are looking for a traditional couple, so I figure there's no chance and no risk. Get the call that I've been selected again. Is my book that good or is Ellie just really cute? Tentatively excited. Birthmother goes into labor early again - does not want me at the hospital. Caseworker says to come to Houston again - baby to be released on Wednesday. Close down office, feeling silly, since this won't work out again and I'll be back Thursday. Arrive at hospital but birth family is almost 2 hours late. Wait in the lobby wishing they would call and say they changed their minds so I can get on the road to get home in time to kiss Ellie good night.
Birth family arrives. We go to the nursery. This baby is not scary. This baby is perfect.
Hug. Cry. Hug more. Say thank you, because what else is there to say? Hug again. Say goodbye. And then I was walking out of the hospital with a baby. My baby. And just like that, I became a mother again.
