We're Home!

Sorry to keep you all waiting - Ellie Hiab and I are both getting over jet lag and I have come down with my usual post-plane trip cold.  The good news is that she and I are doing GREAT!  I am cautiously optimistic that we have turned a corner by coming home as I had hoped. Attachment is a lengthy process, but I feel like we're finally moving forward instead of regressing. Last week was so difficult with all the changes to her routine, the coming and going to the foster care center combined with the constant presence of the caregivers at our guest house, topped off with the visit with her uncle and cousins at the end of the week.  I think it must have been very confusing for her, and at her age, she's aware enough of the changes to be alarmed but not old enough to process what's happening.  Since we left Ethiopia, everything has been new, but at least consistently new, which seems to have helped her equilibrium.

Almost as soon as we got on the plane I asked Suzanne "Who is this delightful child we're taking home?"  It was a whole new side to her personality - curious, engaged, even silly.  She sang songs, talked a mile a minute sometimes to us, sometimes to herself (all in Amharric, of course, so we don't know what the commentary was about) and handled the flights like a pro - there were only a couple of hours of upset at the end of nearly seventeen hours of the trip to DC (which considering the events of the prior week is kind of amazing.)  We were met by Aunt Georgie and Uncle Harry at the DC airport with injera, wat and Amharric flashcards in tow.  I think the wat saved the day - she wasn't wild about the Lufthansa food and it was probably really nice to have something familiar after such a crazy day.  She's not too keen on meeting new people, so she was pretty reserved, but got very excited once we headed toward the plane for Dallas.  The lady at the sandwich shop in the airport where we bought some bananas and juice for the plane was Ethiopian and talked to her in Amharric.  She loved the plane - even ran down the gateway for the last flight.  Both of us were so exhausted that we fell asleep during takeoff, and if you know me that's quite a feat!

She's done great since we've been home - she's eating well, undressing and redressing all the dolls and exploring the many toys in the house.  We've made a Target trip, eaten frozen custard at Curly's and played ball with the grandparents in the backyard.  There's only been one meltdown, and she was able to get control again within minutes where in Addis it would have taken hours.  She's asking about the English words for objects and food, and is crazy about riding in the car.   She's gone from not wanting to be touched at all to holding hands and being a cuddlebug at nap and bedtime.  The language barrier is a frustration sometimes when she's tired or objecting to a request, but we're doing pretty well with my limited Amharric and sign language.  

I'll post more photos and details of the trip later this week when I'm feeling better.  I am hoping that our new happy routine lasts!

Home Sweet Home

This is Michelle, and will likely by my last time to update for Heather!

She didn't ask me to post this particular post, but I knew you would all be wondering if she made it home - and the answer is yes, she, Suzanne and Ellis have made it home safe and sound.

Heather is exhausted, but I am sure when she is rested and they have had a chance to settle in, she will update the blog.

My own request is that those of you who are thinking of and praying for this new family will continue to do so. There are lots of challenges ahead as Ellis and Heather get used to each other and Ellis gets comfortable with her new home, new language...new, new new. As Heather put it, she's had a lot of highs and lows and she's ready for the in betweens. I'm ready for them to have that too.

To Heather and Ellis Raiden...welcome home!
Love,
Michelle

Today is the Day!

Heather, Hiab and Suzanne will board a 1:30 AM flight to return home. It will be a LONG journey home, and certainly with a 3 year old who is completely out of sorts.

Heather emailed again today. She said that Hiab is having significant attachment issues and she has never seen a child cry so hard for hours without wearing herself out. It is heartbreaking for Heather to deal with and she is asking for prayers....and anything else you think might help!

She is hoping to get home quickly to start making progress. She indicated that she researched to prepare for attachment issues, but... here is a direct quote from a portion of her email:
l][\.,mbbgtgg\hm
Last day in-country! We board the plane for the LONG trip home tonight. The above was typed by Hiab in two of the fifteen minutes today she hasn't been crying. Things aren't going very well, and she is defying everyone's assertions that the first couple of days are the hardest. The one about the kids being completely different by the end of the week is unfortunately true, just not the way they told us.

She's been regressing over the last few days, and the meltdowns have taken on epic proportions - I've never seen a child cry this hard for literally hours without wearing herself out. Her grief is heartbreaking and sometimes downright scary and it sucks to feel so helpless to comfort her, since anytime I touch her she just screams harder. We've had one or two good moments but only when one of the caregivers or the daughter of one of the other families are here.

While I have researched and prepared for attachment issues, I didn't think we'd have so many to deal with at one time within the first three days. So, lots of work ahead, and hopefully once we're home we can start to make progress. I told Suzanne I feel like we're just treading water here, and I can't wait to get home to get things moving.

Hopefully the flight home will be uneventful...it will be long and tiring for all. We all can't wait to have them back in the states, and that Hiab and Heather can begin to bond and Hiab can see her as mommy, safety, protection and love.

Michelle

Countdown to Homecoming!

I heard from Heather again this morning, and also a blurb from Heather's cousin Suzanne via Heather's parents.

Per Heather, internet access has been limited. Suzanne also commented that the power has been off and on. Their updates are brief, but it's wonderful to hear from them! So far, they have had some really good, and then some not-so-good moments.

Tuesday was placement day and it was pretty difficult. Hiab's behavior was pretty typical for a toddler adoption. She cried a little after the agency's in-country coordinator left, but rallied with a snack and some toys. Later that afternoon, though, one of the caretakers from the home came to Heather's guesthouse to babysit for one of the guest family's daughter, and Hiab came completely unglued. The rest of the day was tantrum meltdowns interrupted by playing with the caretaker and her charge until late afternoon. The poor thing took a two and a half hour nap after all that and had to be woken up for dinner, then went right back to sleep for a full eleven hours.

Yesterday Heather expected more of the same since they were visiting the home and saying goodbye to her caretakers. However, Hiab came out of her shell and did surprisingly well all day - even starting a game of hide and seek with Suzanne and Heather and playing with Heather and the other kids at the embassy while they waited for their interview. She made friends with the daughter of the other family at the guest house, and last night they ran relays in the hallway for 30 minutes and played numerous games of hide and seek.

Last night she was exhausted, and wore herself out crying before falling asleep. This morning she woke crying and unhappy. She's doing better after breakfast, but still a little touch and go - she alternates between being loving and cuddly and fussy and not wanting to be touched. While this is normal for toddlers that are being adopted, the in country care takers had not expected this from Hiab, based on her behavior in the home. Obviously it's very hard for Heather.

The language barrier is also an issue, and Heather is going to miss the wonderful staff at the guest house to help with translations! Suzanne and Heather are picking up some good Amharric, though. So far they know hello, goodbye, pretty, clever, potty, It's ok, yes, car, all done, fish and thank you.

Suzanne has been indispensable to Heather through all of this!

Some other good news is that Hiab's visa was approved through US Embassy! Suzanne reported that they have been dining on mostly Ethiopian food, but last night had pizza delivered - no news on how their pizza compares to ours! They also got to tour the orphanages and said that it is amazing what a wonderful job these caretakers do with the children.

Suzanne and Heather were heading out this morning to get some pictures printed and do some shopping. Tonight is the cultural dinner with the other Gladney families and tomorrow morning they will meet Hiab's uncle. Heather was really hoping that the visit with her uncle would happen, so I am sure this will be an exciting meeting!

Friday night they will head to the airport for their 1:30 AM flight. Heather is unsure as to what they can expect, but the timing of the flight has to be a good thing to encourage sleeping for an exhausted 3 year old!

Heather is obviously anxious to get home and hopeful that things will start to balance out with some consistency and Hiab getting used to Heather as "mommy". For those that are praying, keep it up! The next few days will be exhausting and challenging, but also so very, very rewarding as Heather and Hiab make this transition into their newly formed family.

If I get any more updates, I'll be sure to post.
Love,
Michelle

We've Arrived!

Hi! This is Heather's friend Michelle, and I'll be updating Heather's blog while she is "in country" with Ellis. As most of you are probably aware, Heather's cousin Suzanne is traveling with her. Here is the latest update I received from Heather:

We're here! Arrived last night aftr a LONG flight. Lufthansa's efficiency fell apart during the boarding in Frankfurt - literally a run for the doors, then baggage issues, etc. But we got here in one piece with all the luggage intact except the stroller, which is either in Frankfurt, the Addis airport or Yemin where the plane was heading after we got off.

Ellie Hiab arrives in less than an hour! Will update with details later!

I believe there is an 8 hour time difference between Texas and Ethiopia, so I think Heather sent this a little before 9:30 AM Tuesday (it was 1:30 AM CST). By now, she and Ellie should have met and it will be exciting to post the next update.

Stay tuned!

A Long Way From Last Year

I never thought something as ridiculous as the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale would mark a milestone in my life, but when I got the catalog in the mail last week, it made me cry. (Bear with me - this is going to make sense in a minute.)  

Last year at this time, the Ethiopian ministry that sets the qualifications for adoptions issued a statement that two parent families were preferable, and that single women should only be considered for adoption approval as "a last resort."  I didn't know at the time that things would get worse before they got better as a single trying to adopt, but at the time, reading that in print was devastating enough.  In my sadness, I went to the Nordstrom sale and bought these shoes:
and learned the lesson that depression can be expensive. As lovely as these shoes are, I've always thought of them as my Last Resort Shoes. But last weekend, I wore them to a shower thrown by my lovely friends for my little girl.  My. Little. Girl!  Now I am designating these my Happy Shoes. It's hard to believe a whole year has gone by, and amazing to think about all the ups and downs (oh, the many downs) of the last 12 months that I thought had ended this chapter, and how, as corny as it sounds, all of them have led me here - the countdown to pick up my beautiful daughter, Ellis Hiab. 

So, I got the Nordstrom anniversary catalog this week. And when we get home, instead of self-medicating with Kate Spades and trying not to burst into tears before I make it out of the store, I am planning to take Ellie to the Nordstrom sale for her first pair of Happy Shoes.  :)  What a difference a year makes.